This Men/Women Thing
Oh my.
People, I have been quoted by Vox. Sadly, he edited out the funniest bit of my comment at Feministe and his minions took it rather out of context, or just missed the point entirely. Put on your irony glasses before reading, chicos y chicas, and see if you get the jist.
If the jist you get is, "ooh, Joolya is a snob who hates people who don't go to Harvard or MIT" you have missed the point.
If the jist you get is that Joolya is impressed by men who "drop the H-bomb" you have also missed the point.
If the jist you get is that Jill at Feministe or I have found it hard to get laid because we are so smart/dorky, you have also missed the point.
Joolya would not go out with a tool type guy who tried to impress me with his fancy-schmancy credentials or who was not interested in my because of mine.
Related topic - Springy and I worked on a 48 Hour Film Project this weekend with Balloon Lady and friends and it was a lot of fun. This afternoon, Springy and I were talking about this Vox thread and the men-being-intimidated baloney, and after a long interval he said, "You know I was thinking about this men and women thing ... This weekend the filming was pretty much run by women and no one even noticed. I didn't notice until just now. That's what we're aiming for, isn't it?"
It sure is.
_____________________________________________
Addendum: I just want to make really clear what it was I was trying to say at Feministe so that there can be no misunderstanding. I feel like I may not have communicated my point effectively.
I happen to be a big nerd, a card carrying maker of science puns, but you wouldn't know it to look at me. I don't have buck teeth or glasses or wear a pocket protector and I brush my hair almost every day. The same can be said for most if not all of my nerdy friends, who are actually tremendously cool.
Friends and I go out to bar/party/whatever and get to chatting with people fro mthe "real world" (RW; ie not PhD students). Conversation goes something like "Hi, I'm Joolya." "Hi, I'm X." "So, how about that Sox game?" "Yeah, I caught that last night. Lovely weather we're having." "Are you from Boston?" "No, I am from Cleveland." "Oh, Cleveland, how nice! I am from Pittsburgh!" "Really? What brings you here?" "I am in grad school. What about you?" "I sell tropical fish." "How interesting! I have some Tetras but one of them has got Whirling Disease. Do tell me more about your business." "That is sad! Have you tried feeding it frozen peas? What are you in school for?" "Oh, I am doing a PhD in biology."
Cool response to that = "How interesting, do you enjoy it?" (Or some variation.) This is politeness. [Springy is very good at this, and I seek to emulate him.]
Not cool response #1 = "Oh, wow, you must be smart or something." (Or some variation.) This puts me in an awkward position and lets me know that this person is not cool and/or has no manners.
In no way did I mean to imply condescension toward the tropical fish store guy.
Not cool response #2 = "Well, I'm at Haaaaaaarvard Laaaaaw. That is because I am smart. Oh, and rich. Did I mention how rich I was? I have a great car, too. And a huge penis." (Or any variation.) That don't impress me much. ;)
People, I have been quoted by Vox. Sadly, he edited out the funniest bit of my comment at Feministe and his minions took it rather out of context, or just missed the point entirely. Put on your irony glasses before reading, chicos y chicas, and see if you get the jist.
If the jist you get is, "ooh, Joolya is a snob who hates people who don't go to Harvard or MIT" you have missed the point.
If the jist you get is that Joolya is impressed by men who "drop the H-bomb" you have also missed the point.
If the jist you get is that Jill at Feministe or I have found it hard to get laid because we are so smart/dorky, you have also missed the point.
Joolya would not go out with a tool type guy who tried to impress me with his fancy-schmancy credentials or who was not interested in my because of mine.
Related topic - Springy and I worked on a 48 Hour Film Project this weekend with Balloon Lady and friends and it was a lot of fun. This afternoon, Springy and I were talking about this Vox thread and the men-being-intimidated baloney, and after a long interval he said, "You know I was thinking about this men and women thing ... This weekend the filming was pretty much run by women and no one even noticed. I didn't notice until just now. That's what we're aiming for, isn't it?"
It sure is.
_____________________________________________
Addendum: I just want to make really clear what it was I was trying to say at Feministe so that there can be no misunderstanding. I feel like I may not have communicated my point effectively.
I happen to be a big nerd, a card carrying maker of science puns, but you wouldn't know it to look at me. I don't have buck teeth or glasses or wear a pocket protector and I brush my hair almost every day. The same can be said for most if not all of my nerdy friends, who are actually tremendously cool.
Friends and I go out to bar/party/whatever and get to chatting with people fro mthe "real world" (RW; ie not PhD students). Conversation goes something like "Hi, I'm Joolya." "Hi, I'm X." "So, how about that Sox game?" "Yeah, I caught that last night. Lovely weather we're having." "Are you from Boston?" "No, I am from Cleveland." "Oh, Cleveland, how nice! I am from Pittsburgh!" "Really? What brings you here?" "I am in grad school. What about you?" "I sell tropical fish." "How interesting! I have some Tetras but one of them has got Whirling Disease. Do tell me more about your business." "That is sad! Have you tried feeding it frozen peas? What are you in school for?" "Oh, I am doing a PhD in biology."
Cool response to that = "How interesting, do you enjoy it?" (Or some variation.) This is politeness. [Springy is very good at this, and I seek to emulate him.]
Not cool response #1 = "Oh, wow, you must be smart or something." (Or some variation.) This puts me in an awkward position and lets me know that this person is not cool and/or has no manners.
In no way did I mean to imply condescension toward the tropical fish store guy.
Not cool response #2 = "Well, I'm at Haaaaaaarvard Laaaaaw. That is because I am smart. Oh, and rich. Did I mention how rich I was? I have a great car, too. And a huge penis." (Or any variation.) That don't impress me much. ;)
posted by Joolya at
3:18 PM
7 Comments:
My first reaction: Oh no, not vox again! What IS their damage? Joolya, back away!
But then I started chuckling, because of course the ruckus over your comment proves beyond shadow of a doubt that men like those who troll feministing on behalf of vox are NOT NOT NOT at all intimidated by women in powerful positions or, like our dear Joolya, with gigantic brains. Nope, not one bit.
I am reminded of the scene in anchorman where Ron Burgundy reminds Veronica Corningstone that he is "A man, a man with a brain three times the size of yours...it's science..."
Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
You made your point just fine the first time, I promise. I also promise that you will never say or re-say it enough times for cyber-people who want to be cranky about it to not be. No apologies! You were plenty clear. And funny too.
In other news, I am now having existential crisis about Springy's interested questions...could they be- gasp- just to make me feel at ease? (Just kidding, Springy :) )
My favorite response from new people who I tell about PhD stuff: "Hmm, and what are you going to DO with that?" A fair question, but one I get so often that it drives me crazy.
[Cocks head to one side and nods head vigorously]
Oh Boomy, that must be so annoying! How do you reply to the people who ask you this question?
Ha. I also get this. People who are into career and CV-building are the worst culprits. Money and status is everything! EVERYTHING!
Also, when I said that no one noticed that women were running the show, I didn't mean that was remarkable. It isn't. Who cares? I think Jill at Feministe is absolutely right to point out that no one thinks like Vox & Co. anymore. We should just ignore them. It's like arguing with Victorians: no point, because they're dead.
Right, right. It's not remarkable, it's just really nice that in no way at all ever was it an "issue" than anyone thought about.
Too bad Vox et al still exist ... but maybe they are all one person?
Yeah, they certainly all know each other. I just had a look through the comments and they're all arranging Christian Libertarian Awareness Meetings with each other.
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