In Case Anyone Was Wondering-
The only change I intend to make to my name is to eventually subsitute "Ms." for "Dr." as my prefix.
I seriously forget that women even change their names anymore. It seems so strange and antiquated. What seems stranger is that anyone who knows me even a little bit would ever think to address me as Mrs. Springy - or even ask if I planned to switch to Mrs. Springy.
Ms. (future "Dr.", fingers crossed) Joolya wrinkles her brow at the idea of altering her fundamental identity just because she is committing to make a new family unit with her best friend with whom she also likes to get her swerve on.
Little Springlets or wee Joolyinos? We shall cross that bridge when we get there, I imagine. People having different names isn't really that confusing.
I'm not "making a statement" about this (although I feel like making a statement when people assume I am going to conform thoughtlessly to heteronorms). It really, really never occurred to me that I might change my last name, even when I was a kid.
I'm not even all that attached to my last name. It's hardly the moniker of a great dynasty; it's tricky to spell; it's mutated since it left the Old Country; Springy's name is nicer; and the man who gave it to me is kind of a douchebag. Still, warts and all, it's MY name, you know? Like how my nose is kind of crooked but I wouldn't get a nose job because a) it's not that bad, really, and b) more to the point, it's MY nose.
I've always been ever so slightly oblivious to the perception and expectations of other humans. This has made for problems in the past (e.g. why is she mad at me???) but when it comes time for planning weddings I think it's probably a good thing. A friend of mine had some heteronormativity angst when she got married, thanks to suddenly having people imposing their cultural expectations on her from all sides - expectations of a kind of culture she ordinarily manages to avoid dealing with (rarified air in our ivory towers and all that).
The wedding crazies have started to nip at my heels, what with looking at various bridal websites, and of course I am obsessing about looking fat in pictures, but aside from that I am not having serious heteronormativity angst. I mean, my life parter of choice happens to have a penis (whereas I have a vagina), which is certainly more convenient than if he'd been a she, but he's pretty gender neutral in terms of the things that are important. I really don't care if anyone has a problem with our place settings, or the absence of religious figures, or my iPod playlist, or whatever other nontraditional aspects of my unusual and protracted nuptial celebrations. In the grand scheme, these are pretty minimal elements compared to the real dramas that I hope to avoid.
(So, loyal readers, if I start in with the wedding crazies, please point my to the previous paragraph.)
I seriously forget that women even change their names anymore. It seems so strange and antiquated. What seems stranger is that anyone who knows me even a little bit would ever think to address me as Mrs. Springy - or even ask if I planned to switch to Mrs. Springy.
Ms. (future "Dr.", fingers crossed) Joolya wrinkles her brow at the idea of altering her fundamental identity just because she is committing to make a new family unit with her best friend with whom she also likes to get her swerve on.
Little Springlets or wee Joolyinos? We shall cross that bridge when we get there, I imagine. People having different names isn't really that confusing.
I'm not "making a statement" about this (although I feel like making a statement when people assume I am going to conform thoughtlessly to heteronorms). It really, really never occurred to me that I might change my last name, even when I was a kid.
I'm not even all that attached to my last name. It's hardly the moniker of a great dynasty; it's tricky to spell; it's mutated since it left the Old Country; Springy's name is nicer; and the man who gave it to me is kind of a douchebag. Still, warts and all, it's MY name, you know? Like how my nose is kind of crooked but I wouldn't get a nose job because a) it's not that bad, really, and b) more to the point, it's MY nose.
I've always been ever so slightly oblivious to the perception and expectations of other humans. This has made for problems in the past (e.g. why is she mad at me???) but when it comes time for planning weddings I think it's probably a good thing. A friend of mine had some heteronormativity angst when she got married, thanks to suddenly having people imposing their cultural expectations on her from all sides - expectations of a kind of culture she ordinarily manages to avoid dealing with (rarified air in our ivory towers and all that).
The wedding crazies have started to nip at my heels, what with looking at various bridal websites, and of course I am obsessing about looking fat in pictures, but aside from that I am not having serious heteronormativity angst. I mean, my life parter of choice happens to have a penis (whereas I have a vagina), which is certainly more convenient than if he'd been a she, but he's pretty gender neutral in terms of the things that are important. I really don't care if anyone has a problem with our place settings, or the absence of religious figures, or my iPod playlist, or whatever other nontraditional aspects of my unusual and protracted nuptial celebrations. In the grand scheme, these are pretty minimal elements compared to the real dramas that I hope to avoid.
(So, loyal readers, if I start in with the wedding crazies, please point my to the previous paragraph.)
posted by Joolya at
4:41 PM
7 Comments:
Is it appropriate to offer congratulations? Or should we wait until Friday? Oh, whatever. Congratulations. Fantastic news, I hope it is a really wonderful day and lives up to both of your expectations!
Yeesh, sorry I asked. I had no idea it was such an offensive question. It's just that a lot of times, what you think you're going to do when the time comes doesn't wind up matching up with how you actually feel when the time comes, in lots of different situations, so I just figured I'd ask. Yeesh. Again.
ethyl, totally wasn't directed at you!
watch the mails for an aquatic stuffed toy.
Hooray! I miss my sea dragon! I so wish they had a stuffed moray eel, though. Eel is a weird word to type. The two "e"s together plus the "l" and then the word is over ... just feels like it should be longer. Eel. Weird.
I would absolutely take your name if it wasn't Italian. Ahaha. No, I spoke to Diesel yesterday and he said "Why on earth would she want to be called Springweed?" Which I think is straight to the point.
Oh dear, springy, I had no idea that was your actual name... [stuffs fist in mouth, not laughing, nope, not laughing]
Joolya, fwiw, I'm with you. I didn't take my husband's name when I married either. Partly that was because I *like* my last name, and it has an interesting family history behind it; partly it was because my first name combined with my husband's last name sounds like a Chinese takeaway. And partly it was because I was fond of my own identity. Ihave a couple of friends up here that made the same decision, and I think it causes less of a stir these days than it used to.
But don't worry, EVERYONE gets wedding crazies, at least a little bit.
Incidentally, the best wedding I was ever at, in terms of sheer good will and enjoyment, was a wedding on my college campus; everyone wore reasonably casual clothes, entertainment was a guest who happened to have a stunning voice, the wedding cake was death-by-chocolate, and the reception was potluck. Let's hear it for spontaneity and doing things your own way.
Thanks a lot, Luna!
My name isn't Springweed - this is a nickname coined by Diesel I have been trying to lose over the years. It makes me think of evil plants that have motor function and crawl all over innocent victims, like in cartoons.
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