Townhall.com

Alright. If you've ever read anything on Townhall.com you'll already know that it's a semi-literate flag-wrapped poo-flavored neo-condiment to the sloppy joe that is the Bush Regime. So why do I even look at this tripe? I guess it's because it's lunch time and I am tired of writing about the history of Darwin.

And then this guy Mike S. Adams caught my eye. I heard of Mike S. Adams only yesterday, as the guy who wrote one reason he's a Republican is because there are so many Hott Rite-Wing Chixx:

If the Republican Party simply purchases and distributes a few million of these calendars, there is little chance that the Democrats will remain a viable party in this country for very long. Certainly, every man who is currently “independent” will change his voter registration after seeing what our party has to offer.

Like how after Joe Schmoe sees that commercial where the Swedish Bikini Team abseils down the beer bottle, he'll buy whatever the hell kind of beer that was? Or are these women prostitutes? Apprently the Clare Booth Luce Policy Institute has put out a calendar of conservative hotties, including Anne Coulter and Michelle Malkin. Not naked, though. Thank God.

So, obviously he's kind of kidding. But he's also kind of not kidding. He also looks like a sperm, but that is not why I detest him. If he weren't such a nauseating little worm, I would forgive his sperminess. I would like to be above such petty name-calling and lookism, but the dude really does resemble a bespectacled spermatozoa. I'm just saying. If I had a head like a gamete, I would be a lot nicer to the opposite sex.

Wait, I don't look like a sperm and I am a lot nicer to the opposite sex. Unless they are Mike S. Adams. Him I am less nice to. Here are more reasons why I will not be nice to Mike S. Adams if I ever have the misfortune to make his acquaintance, which do not have to do with his spermitude.

1) Townhall column dated 10-28-05. Mike takes on the UNC "Orgasm Awareness Festival". Okay, so possibly the OAF is a little . . . silly. But the point of it is maybe to, I dunno, demystify female sexuality? This does not sit well with Mister Adams:

Jessica Polka, an executive board member for the co-sponsor of the event, was recently quoted as saying that “We also have the goal of trying to work toward fighting the social stigma against female sexuality.” In other words, she wants college women to become whores without being ostracized.
While the UNC administration is undoubtedly thrilled that these coeds are turning out to be nymphomaniacs rather than intellectuals, not all of the blame can be placed on UNC. Indeed, FSU may have gotten the idea for their “orgasm festival” from the University of California, San Diego.

[Emphasis added.]

Poor hot rightie Mrs. Adams! Maybe the UNC Feminists should send her a Rabbit.

Then someone from UNC complained that Mike's column consituted sexual harassment. So - whew - then Mike issued a formal apology! Oh, wait. No, he didn't. He says "apology" but he is not really apologizing! Hey, that is the definition of irony!

2) Townhall column dated 10-31-05:

In the opening lines of your sexual harassment complaint, you stated that you “feel very strongly” that my “sexist, discriminatory language toward the female students at UNC constitutes sexual harassment and violates the existing anti-discrimination policy.” That is an extremely important point, Liza. In order to file a complaint in the UNC system, the plaintiff must have very strong feelings. Feelings are the basis of every decision in our system. Logic and objectivity are irrelevant and probably sexist, too.

I actually don't think the first column constitutes sexual harassment, which is the only time in my life I will probably ever agree with Mike the Sperm. It's crude and misogynistic, just like the fauxpology column, but probably not harassment as such. (He did publish the organizer's email address, which seems like some kind of violation, however.)

How does Mike defend himself from the accusations leveled against him? By genius logic. Genius! Read on:

Your complaint also says that I called UNC female students “nymphomaniacs.” Not true, Liza. Here is the relevant quote:
“While the UNC administration is undoubtedly thrilled that these coeds are turning out to be nymphomaniacs rather than intellectuals…”
Based upon a closer examination of my quote, you can see that I have expressed the opinion that when female students a) organize an Orgasm Awareness Festival, b) erect (note: this is not intended to be sexist language in violation of the UNC anti-discrimination policy) a vibrator museum, and c) begin to collect antique vibrators from 1924, this suggests that they are “turning out to be nymphomaniacs.”
That doesn't mean they are there yet, Liza. It just means that there is a clear trend in the direction of nymphomania. Had they erected two vibrator museums - instead of just one - I might have taken the plunge and suggested that they are already “nymphomaniacs.” But, cautious as always, I held my tongue.

Oh! I see! A slippery slope to nymphomania! But not actually nymphomania, yet! Because female masturbation is clearly a sign of a deep psychological disorder that doesn't really exist.

In your letter, you also accuse me of “calling students such derogatory names as ‘whores’” which is “simply disgusting and inexcusable.” You also repeat (for good measure) the assertion that my speech “seems to go beyond the bounds of free speech and into the territory of "[Harassment] based on... sex," which is specifically mentioned in the Harassment Prevention Policy of the UNC system.
Actually, you really blew it, here, Liza. Recently, at “The Vagina Monologues” our campus feminists suggested that it is acceptable to call women “c**ts.” So, of course, had I really called them “whores” that would have been much better than calling them “c**ts” as the feminists would prefer. But, of course, I did not call them “whores.” ... [see above]
The only question, Liza, is whether you are, a) actually illiterate, or b) pretending to be illiterate in order to levy a false allegation of sexual harassment against me. Either way, things aren’t looking very good for you.

Okay. I did the Vagina Monologues. Nowhere does anyone in that play advocate calling women cunts. The word "cunt" is used in reference to the actual coochie, not the coochie-bearer, in an attempt to "reclaim" a word for a perfectly nice part of the body from the realm of the insulting and obscene.

And while he "did not call thes 'whores'" what he very clearly implied was that women who "fight the social stigma against female sexuality" are whores. Whores who should be ostracized. It doesn't take a very high level of literacy to figure that out.

Ick. I don't know why I am even wasting my time being annoyed with Mike "S is for Sperm" Adams. I'm just really glad that us Democrats are spared his attentions.