True Confessions

We all have those odd things we do when we're alone, right? For example, I like to buy the organic "Just Fruit" freeze-dried strawberries and bananas and reconstitute them in a hot cup of tea and eat them with a spoon. And then drink the tea.

I also enjoy watching the TimeLife music infomercials. Classic Soul Ballads got me through many a sleepless Sunday dawn. This half hour of musical joy - so sweet, so sultry - was hosted by my man Peabo Bryson. I had no idea how many Peabo Bryson songs are indelibly etched into my brain, in the deepest recesses of my childhood memories. Some day I won't remember the names of my friends and family, but let me tell you, I will always have Peabo. We had a once in a life time.

They don't just play the song snippets as the titles scroll by, either. They show clips of classic soul ballad singers singing classic soul ballads. Funny clothes! Funny hair! Peabo Bryson! In between there are little blurbs where couples confessionalize about how glad they are that TimeLife has brought all their favorite soul ballads together in one collection. I mean, you could spend hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars collecting all those great hits!

The repetition, the tiny snippets, the soothing voice of Peabo: this is one of the most relaxing half hours of programming on television.

But now, oh now, TimeLife gives us Classic Soft Rock, hosted by Air Supply. (Whose names are, no kidding, Graham Russell and Russell Hitchcock.) Turns out I also know all the words to half a dozen Air Supply songs. I bet you do, too.

And If I thought it didn't get better than Luther Vandross videos, that was only because I had not seen footage of Gino Vannelli in a tight white jumpsuit open to the waist. You think you don't know who Gino Vannelli is, but you should. He sang "Living Without Your Love", a personal favorite, as well as "I Just Wanna Stop". Remember Linda Ronstadt and Kim Carnes? Then there's Styx, Chicago, America, and a multitude of other bands whose names are taken from geography. Aligator lizards in the aaaair - love it!

Ah, funny old dudes from Air Supply. Snippets of Solid Gold-era live performances with the soft colorful back-lit sets which give a halo effect to the truly ginormous hairdos. Man, when I was little I wanted to be a Sold Gold dancer. And I wanted hair like Nicolette Larson.

So this is my confession . . . I sit on the futon under my throw blanket and eat re-hydrated astronaut strawberries and watch TimeLife Classic infomercials. Got a problem with that?

Lost in love and I don't know much ...